I hate failure. It’s frustrating, aggravating, a bunch of words with “ing” on the end.

And I’m not very good at starting in stages.

This weekend I made an attempt at cake pops.

And because I am insane and don’t know how to start slow I got ambitious and wanted to make these AMAZING Muppets pops.

Now, I was going to start slow. I was going to read a variety of instructions. And I was going to eventually work up to complex stuff. But then the Muppets happened.  I figured the rainbow connection would cause me to be instantly amazing at these or that Chef would pop out of nowhere and speak gibberish and finish them. I’m a five-year-old.

Cake pops seem to be a recent phenomenon- popular on baking blogs and in circles of girls I know, but not present in my mother’s version of The Joy of Cooking, which is like the Dictionary of cooking to me. And if this tells you anything about my childhood, I tried to read the Dictionary once.

Now, Miss Piggy was my initial goal but her ingredients weren’t in my local grocery store or Michael’s craft store (weird candies, peach candy coating) so I settled (I thought) for Kermit.

Everything was going smoothly until the point where I realized, while sticking the sticks covered in candy, that the candy coating was a little thick, and the cake balls might have been a little too big. Measuring things has never really been my forte. I’m from the Italian school of cooking- just eyeball it and it’ll be fine.

Well it wasn’t fine. And for some reason adding food coloring thickened the candy coating to sludge (whoooops) and all of a sudden I had a hysterical disaster on my hands. And by hysterical I mean for my father and sister, who were both in stitches in corners of the kitchen as I attempted to adjust the giant cake balls that were falling off of the sticks while covered with awkward looking green goop.

As any fat kid will tell you, it is a sin to waste cake.  I found a solution- drizzle the goop over the cake balls and serve them. Happy Football-Game-That-The-Steelers-Aren’t-Playing-In everyone!